Rectaltronics Research and Development
Laboratories are always eager to bring the latest technology to Rectaltronic stereophonic
butt-plugs. Here are a few of the things fresh from Engineering that are not yet ready for
Rectaltronics' newest addition to the butt-plug
product line features electronically controlled hydraulic positive vapor locking
integrated with the Vac-U-Snap system and provides the most secure in-place locking of any
butt-plug available. A manual over-ride is supplied via a miniature six-pin Medeco(tm)
high-security key lock for security and safety, and a foolproof over-pressure alarm and
bypass takes care of dangerous cavity pressures. Needless to say, the Chastity Plug is
compatible with all Rectaltronics oscillator modules and control and interface systems.
The Vibrating Apparatus Application Programming Interface is now fully
documented and is an open and extensible specification. The Rectaltronics VSDK helps
programmers work with the API, and integrates seamlessly with all popular compilers and
Integrated Development Environments under all supported platforms as indicated in the
Rectaltronics Compatibility Guide. Third-party vendors may display the Rectaltronics
compatibility logo on products that are completely VAAPI compliant.
Rectaltronics has joined the Internet revolution with RectalNet embedded
firmware. With a TCP/IP-compatible Rectaltronics interface and Rectaltronics
controller with RectalNet firmware, you can use any attached computer equipped with an
HTTP-1.1 compatible web browser to control, monitor, and administer your Rectaltronics
butt-plug systems. RectalNet is fully configurable for custom port assignments, Secure
HTTP, and LAN user authentication. A Telnet interface is also built-in for set-up
and administration. A graphics and sound -capable web browser and computer are recommended
for best results.
We at Rectaltronics are always looking
for new ways to enhance our products and reach new customers. Here are some ideas that
have come from our sales and support staff, our field offices, and our most loyal
customers. Some of these concepts may eventually make their way into production!
A traditional Thanksgiving plug fashioned from the thigh bone of a Canada Goose. Stuffed
with cranberries, pumpkin pie, and Alka-Seltzer, this plug is ideal for those holiday
travelers forced to spend Thanksgiving on a bus going nowhere.
Are your favorite gridiron bozos going south to play golf? Take the worry out of being the
laughing stock of the football pool with this fine plug made out of genuine pigskin.
Shaped like a tiny football and inflated to 3,000 pounds per square inch, you're sure to
get a bang out of this one at kickoff.
Don't know Gretzky from a hockey puck? You'll always be on a power-play with this fine
plug formed out of frozen rubber. Cross-check is fitted with a pair of razor-sharp skates
to permit easy insertion. In addition, every time you fart at the game, a siren sounds and
a little red light comes on.
Winter traffic jams are on their way, and smart motorists are stocking up our fine Jam
plug. Jam is made from 100% pure rock crystal salts, studded with half-inch tarmac-
piercing cleats. An optional emergency compartment holds a half a gallon of gin and an
anatomically correct inflatable doll in your choice of sex. Dolls available in 32
Gift givers often fret at spending a year's wages during one holiday. No need to put a
price tag on generosity with the new ChargIt! plug. ChargeIt! is packed with time-release
enzymes that convert fecal matter into plastic. The miniature plastics extruder/former
will produce an exact replica of your choice of credit card at the rate of one per hour
(Dieters may experience a lower output). The former is programmed by an embedded Zylog Z80
chip with a black market supplied EEPROM to insure consistent and valid names and numbers
for all major credit card companies. Happy shopping!
Working moms too busy with careers or drug rehab to spend long hours in the kitchen baking
those holiday goodies will welcome this year's model of the Baker-maker. Install this plug
in the morning and by evening Baker-maker will have made dozens of chocolate-chip cookies,
or a tray of brownies or fudge, or a delicious three-layer chocolate cake, complete with
chocolate icing. A special optional attachment will allow you to make a quart of chocolate
yogurt while you sleep!
GlitterTree Plug Ensemble
Rectaltronics redefines family quality time with this new plug. Reviving the rich
traditions of Christmas, the GlitterTree Family Buttplug Assortment adds a whole new
dimension to Christmas tree ornaments. Now families can make and decorate their own family
Christmas heirlooms. GlitterTree comes complete with a variety of interchangeable molds.
Our patented quick-release system produces perfect shapes every time, ready to decorate.
Each plug comes equipped with enough paints, varnish and glitter to produce a dozen
ornaments. In optional attachment is available that will produce an angel to two phone