PARASCAN.DOC Monday, December 4, 1989 11:04 pm

 

the Bytebrother's

PARASCAN

by Jimmy Pearson

REVISION 3

the PARANOID SCAN SYSTEM
Virus Checker and POLITICAL statement

FAST LOGIC OUTLAWS
Wichita Ks.

this program is released FREE with no charge or
registration fee.

PARAscan now includes the dynamic new MobyViro
enhancement, the PARAscan Strength Monitor System
and NEW REAL TIME RINGSIDE display!


PARASCAN * The Paranoid Scan System *
by the Bytebrothers

It's three o'clock in the morning. And holy hell breaks loose.

Computer users moan as their heads mutate into the shape of hogs. Livestock in adjoining fields begin speaking as their heads form into human heads with the gift of speech.

Computer chips begin moving, and climb out of their sockets and crawl out floppy drive doors murdering computer users in their sleep.

Three dimensional images of Christ are burned into the phosphors of CRT screens across the world.

Elderly female corpses climb from their graves in darkened graveyards and walk the streets, looking for fresh motherboards to wreak their frenzy upon.

H-Bombs go off over digital metropolises of Japanese chips, who in turn lauch bitstream air strikes at America's Pacific UART and DMA controllers.

T.V. Evangelists drop dead on top of executable files of Telix and Qmodem.

Millions of computer users wonder why their prompts turn into swastikas and their .com files keep dissappearing..

PARANOID..!! you say..???

how can you be sure..???

the Bytebrother's PARAscan incorporates the new PARANOID SCANNING SYSTEM which is designed to destroy the new wave viruses coming as the children of Baud approach the digital Armegeddon in the comic book of life we call "Bedtime for Cthulu".. So you say, "Why do *I* need another virus checker.??" The answer is because you don't want to wake up some morning, look into your mirror, and see the face of a 340 pound hog.! You don't want a digital Dick Nixon erasing 18 minute segments of your floppy disk collection.! You don't want a murderous virus murdering your .com files and burying them under your power supply in their pajamas..!! (* sob *)

Install PARAscan on your system and run it, it will give you a running report of the cosmic battle and the monsters that it encounters. Run it in your autoexec.bat file each morning to start the day out right with no spawn of Satan lurking in your disk clusters.


This program does absolutely nothing, except attempt to make a political statement about digital yellow journalism and the paranoia of ignorance. It's dedicated to every engineer who sacrifices valuable tools because of managers who believe that every public program is a syphlitic sore, and that bbs systems are digital gay bars. It's also dedicated to the literally millions of computer hours burned up in the quest.

This program is free, which is another major difference between it and many other virus checkers. It is dedicated to reason and common sense.

If I have the same chance this year of getting a tire blowout on the freeway, that I do getting a computer virus on my system. Why do I find it unacceptable to spend five minutes of my time every day feeling all my tires before I go to work.??

Jimmy Pearson
& the Bytebrothers

=======Bytebrothers Über Alles!!=======



Our Internet connection made possible by Speakeasy SDSL
Click here to order your DSL service from SPEAKEASY.net

Entire contents Copyright (C) 1994-2010 Brad Berson and Bytebrothers Internet Services
Anim Plug
Rectaltronics(TM) is a registered trademark of Rectaltronics, Inc.

Page updated February 21, 2002.  See Terms and Conditions of use!