LUCIFERnet Stuff

LUCIFERnet was a BBS "echo network" created in the early 1990's as an adults-only no-holds-barred response to the restrictive nature of traditional technical and chat -oriented "family" BBS's. This page is a just a small example collection of the insanely creative works authored on LUCIFERnet's Bytebrothers Technical Support conference, much of which was the brainchild of LUCIFERnet's founder, Jimmy Pearson.

Quick Index: [The Animals] [Rintellism] [Praise Fred!] [Cave Pigs] [Ed Gein]
[Mike Meyer] [Riverfest]


  • The Animals

The Animals - 44KbChuck Forsberg is the president of Omen Technology and the programmer who created the Zmodem transfer protocol, his product is called DSZ and is used to transfer files through telephone lines. I used to correspond with Chuck through Fidonet because I wrote drivers for his programs that were published Shareware. Anyway in the summer of 88 I became aware that he had a dog named Serial Input Error who had some very unusual traits. The dog could type English, use a word processor, and in fact Chuck was pissed because the dog had been behind his back giving free registrations of his product to anyone who would send him used or new video game cartridges ( the dog was excellent on video games.. ). I offered to take the dog off his hands and he shipped Serial to me that summer from Oregon.. I fell in love with the dog and wouldn't trade him for the world.

Part II. Out in Los Angeles I have a friend who used to post here named Brad Phelps, he is an alien and his real name is Darb and that's what we call him. He doesn't post here anymore because we all convinced him that he should become a professional bowler and he did. ( He had never bowled before we convinced him.. ). Jim Lee in Los Angeles set up a special bowling match at the Nude Bowling Alley on Aviation Boulevard about five blocks down from LAX. It was Darb against God himself and Darb beat God bowling a perfect 300 game. Now Darb is on the PBA circuit and is a real moneywinner and we don't hear from him since he took up his "bowling destiny"..

Anyway Darb had a rat in the fall of 1989 named Victor who had been trained as a recovery rat. What the rat would do is crawl up homosexual's anuses and fetch stray gerbils that were stuck and or would not come out after they had been inserted for sexual pleasure. Darb made a lot of money hiring the rat as a service, and much of the business entailed Victor having to fly to Northern California. Now Darb always dressed Victor in a silk cowboy suit with an embroidered yoke and a miniature cowboy hat ( which usually hangs by a string behind his head because he doesn't like it on his head.. ) When Victors cage accidentally was shipped to Kansas City instead of Frisco I drove up to rescue the little guy and brought him back here to ship him to Darb in Burbank. Well Serial and Victor became such fast friends Darb was kind enough to let Victor stay here and he became Serial's "pet rat".. Serial tried to teach Victor how to type, and Victor can type a little but his vocabulary is limited to things like hi by ok no and he says 4q instead of "fuck you".. He also hasn't learned about "key repeat" so he tends to get too many characters in his messages, short as they are.

Now Darb told me when Victor came to live with us that I had to get a tape of Walt Disney's DUMBO, because Victor was crazy about the movie, and about elephants. So I did. Victor watches that tape every day at least twice, we're on the fifteenth copy of the tape and the second VCR he watches it so much. Now about a year ago I was getting so much shit from Victor about him wanting an elephant that I had an idea. Victor doesn't KNOW how big an elephant is.. He only has seen them on DUMBO so I went to the damn pet store, bought a hampster, spray painted it gray with Revell spray enamel, and went to a costume shop and had a tiny top hat made with elephant ears hanging from the side of it. I glued the top hat on the hampsters head and gave it to Victor as a present and the hampsters name is Herbert. He is Victor's pet and Victor still thinks he is an elephant. About two weeks after Victor got Herbert the animals went with a friend on a surfing trip to Florida and went surfing in the ocean. In the saltwater the gray paint washed off Herbert and Victor was freaking out when they got back because his elephant had changed color. I convinced Victor and Serial it was a miracle and that Herbert had been transformed by God into the first nigger elephant and it resolved the color change situation..

About a week after that Herbert was roaming through the trash in the back yard and found a large bug ( turns out it's a Palmetto bug ), and he wanted a pet so we let him keep the bug which he named Ralph. Ralph proved once and for all after much training by Serial that fucking insects don't have the brains to learn to type.. I tried to get a government grant for this research but the lady in Pueblo Co. refused to take me seriously and hung up when I told her to piss up a rope..

Now last year there was a big argument going on in here between a guy named Ken Pangborn and my friend Lee. It got to such a state that I finally decided to have a trial and let the animals be the trial attorneys and let Ralph be the judge of the case. Both Ken and Lee presented their arguments, Herbert and Victor were the attorneys and Ralph listened to the whole case. At the conclusion of the case Serial came to me and mentioned that Ralph wasn't moving much and when Hump and I checked to our horror we found Ralph was dead. The etymologist at the University of Wichita said it looked like he was bored to death. There was an immediate outburst of sorrow on this net and it completely drowned out the old argument and we all found ourselves coming together again in this time of sorrow.

Hump and I buried Ralph in the back yard of our place in a small Diamond matchbox and had a ceremony over the grave wishing him farewell.. Three days later Serial came in freaking out and led us to the backyard. The stone we had placed over Ralph's grave had been rolled away and the little matchbox lay empty on the ground near the open grave. When Hump and I examined the matchbox we could see an eerie reverse image of a bug that appeared to be burned into the cardboard of the matchbox. We sent it to Wichita State and they put it under a VH2 Image Analyser and said it had three dimensional properties and was not a painting but was made up of oxidized cardboard, the image was a perfect photographic type negative and had been BURNED into the box. ( This is the famous Matchbox Of Wichita.. ). Ralph's little body was nowhere to be found.!

About a week later Ralph appeared out of nowhere. He showed up late one night crawling across the coffee table and the little fucker had a glowing halo over his head ( this has come in real handy since, because you can see him easily at night and not step on him... ). With Ralph were twelve other bugs, all of them beetles but not the same type. They seem to follow him everywhere he goes so we've labeled them "The Bugsciples".. The day Ralph came back he went back into Hogan's shed in the back yard and crawled into an old roach motel Hogan had put back there to keep them out of Serial's dog food sacks. He comes back out of the roach motel followed by about a hundred bugs and we realized something really dramatic had happened to this damn insect since the fucker was raising bugs from the dead. He also had developed the ability to stand in front of the keyboard and without touching it insert scripture into messages on the screen in the editor. I was fucking impressed..

So about a month later Serial and Victor got Ralph to help them enter a Bible Quiz via the computer and with Ralph's help they won first prize which was a trip to the Holy Land. On the trip to the Holy Land the Gulf war broke out, and Ralph had a vision and upon that vision Serial and Victor stole an F15-E fighter from the base in Saudi Arabia and made a bombing run on Iraq ( the animals play a lot of video and computer games, and one of Serial and Victor's favorites is the F-15 Strike Eagle flight simulator... ). On their mission ( which included one refueling stop from a KC-135, where the boom operator reported a dog in the pilots seat and a rat in a cowboy suit manning the Electronic Warfare position), they bombed Saddam Hussein's palace, the ONLY McDonalds Hamburger restaurant in Iraq, and they knocked one wall out of the Baghdad animal shelter freeing all the animals. When they took the plane back to base they were captured by the security people and they called me because my number is on Serial's dog tag. What freaked them out was when they put Victor on the F-15 simulator at the base ( to determine if the gun camera footage that showed them hitting Saddy's palace was REAL.. ), they found Victor had the highest simulator scores for F-15 weapons systems ever recorded in the Air Force. So they kept Victor in Saudi for two months flying the Electronic Warfare position on F-15's and he received a commendation from Colin Powell and another one from the Defense Secretary of the government of Saudi Arabia..

Now when the animals got back from the Gulf they wanted an airplane real bad. The first airplane they built ( and don't ask me where they got the kit, it just arrived in three trucks one day.. ), was a full scale recreation of a Curtis P-40 fighter plane, just like the Flying Tigers used to fly, complete with a huge Allison engine. They flew that airplane for three days, then on one flight Victor decided to land on a Burger King and get a hamburger and the plane went through the roof killing two adults and three children in the restaurant. Now they are trying to build an ultra-light ( at my suggestion ), and that's what the story is on Victor's airplane, and the story on the animals that post under the account FORSBERG's DOG..

Credits: Terry Muir and Jimmy Pearson. Picture (C) 1994 Terry McConnell

Click here to chat live with Victor, America's Hero Rat of Death!

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  • Rintellism

Yes, here it the pertinent help screen from RintyDos 6.2..
An Introduction to the Rinte Godhead Text and
a forward to the introduction of Rinte.dos

Welcome to the Rinte Godhead, but one manifestation of the Great Godhead, or Rinte Godhead, who dominated mytho-poetics over a vast region of Europe and Asia for millenia starting before the Neolithic began. When the Indo-Europeans began to emerge from their homeland in southwestern Russia c.4,000 and migrate to both the west and east, their mytho-poetics of the male sky god collided with those of the Rinte Godhead. In many instances, the Great Rinte Godhead was mortally wounded and driven underground in dozens of disconnected pieces. The Indo-Europeans were an aggressive nomadic people who had domesticated the horse and were adept at conducting mobile warfare with chariots. This technology allowed them to quickly dominate in many regions; we can side step the debate over the degree of pacifism inherent in Rinte Godhead culture.

However at the margin of their migrations, particularly in India and the Rinte realms of Europe, a much more complex interaction took place than simple warfare with clear-cut victory and defeat. The Indo-European invaders and the indigenous peoples fused into cultures that were hybrid on all levels from the mytho-poetic to the societal forms and rituals that are given structure by the myths. The Rinte Godhead acquired new power and attributes, most notably in him manifestation as the Mare Godhead (horses were only food animals before the Indo-Europeans). The newly evolved Great Rinte Godhead possessed enormous strength which enabled him to resist the onslaught of Christianity for many centuries.

The Rinte Godhead was never completely extinguished, although brutalized and maimed almost beyond recognition. By the late Middle Ages fragments of his ritual were preserved in the underground of peasant culture by women who came to be known as "witches". Sound scholarship has confirmed that they had little conscious knowledge of the ancient mytho-poetics but especially in the realm of healing, they preserved a portion of the timeless ritual. In the second half of this century, Western Culture is experiencing a New Age Movement, part of which is an attempt to rediscover the Rinte Godhead as an antedote to the spiritual sterility, chauvanism, aggression and ecological imperialism of the mainstream Christian Church. One of the timeless themes of history is the nostalgia for a "golden age" of the past, when life was simpler and better. In many hands, our contemporary revival of the Rinte Godhead begins with this dream then mixes in a little historical knowledge, personal anger and existentialism, and concludes by adding a heavy dose of feminist politics and stirs well. The result is a "reinvention" of tradition in a fashion that has become typically American and typical of New Age Movements in general. Much of our fantasy literature and role-playing game design draws heavily upon an imagined Rinte realm that bears little relationship to what actually existed; their validity must lie in an assessment of their contribution to the imagination which is often considerable.

The problem thus created is enormous and my perception of this problem is a major motivation for an in-depth exploration of the archetypal Rinte Godhead, as opposed to the cartoon version available for sale in countless bookstores, retreat centers and weekend workshops. "Reinventing the wheel" has become a phrase to refer to either a project that is unnecessary because a well working "wheel" already exists, or an endeavor that might prove impossibly difficult within the context at hand. Unless, ignorance of history and the mythic archetypes that structure society is acceptable, reinvention of the Rinte Godhead is hardly necessary and indeed almost laughable in conception. He is, and always will be, there! Our job, if we wish to contact him, is to disover him; he is objectively real. Indeed the best of New Age Movements use the verb "disover" rather than "reinvent". Putting the Rinte Godhead into the clothes of contemporary pyscho-babble and New Age cultism insults him deeply and renders the profound trivial.

The timeless truth that mytho-poetics cannot be divorced from context is no mere abstraction. The Rinte Godhead and Indo- European mythology, are the products of particular cultures evolving in very specific times and places. Everything nurtures everything else and all input is essential. In order to understand either system, which persisted in a strong and vital condition for millenia, it is necessary to explore the myths and cultures of those times in detail.

Only then can an informed judgement be made as to whether some or all of an ancient mytho-poetic might be applicable to our times, and if so, how such application might proceed. This approach recognizes and respects the cultural gulf between the creators of those mythic systems and ourselves. The gap between our society and tribal agriculturalists living in villages, towns and small cities (Rinte Godhead culture) or nomadic pastoralists forever on the move for land and adventure (Indo-Europeans) is enormous. To assume, without thinking, that the mytho-poetics of the Rinte Godhead can be applied to ourselves is simplistic, to say the least, for there is no similarity in cultural context. My objective in attempting to present an accurate historical record is not to set the stage for a conclusion of irrelevancy; I firmly believe that the Rinte Godhead is very relevant to our age. But that relevance will require modification and adaptation and should not be attempted in a vacuum of historical ignorance. If we understand where we were than we can better understand where we are and we thereby respect the Rinte Godhead. Rinte won't help you if you do not understand him and cannot respect him.

How ancient mytho-poetics might be applied to our times, is a profound problem and I will not discuss it time. It will be the subject of a future meditation. Rinte.dos or .wpw is one portion of a large 'multi-volume' software project about the Rinte Godhead now underway at Reality Software. The "volumes" will only be published as software and will be marketed as shareware via BBS and direct mail. No paper books are planned or will be published. The various 'volumes' will be published out of sequential order as they are completed. This is customary with such projects; even the extraordinary unabridged Oxford Dictionary of the English Language was published volume by volume as completed and out of alphabetical order. It will be the first historical religious operating system.

No colorful animation, almost no clip art, no interactive games are provided just a good heavy operating system for those who wish to explore these matters in detail. Each "volume" is attacked in rigorous, scholarly manner which employs the latest data base available; these are not supplements for high school social studies courses. You should also be aware that some of the historical routines and commands refer to ancient ritual documents practices that are extreme, to say the least, and might shock some users. I have no wish to be offensive, but while the record is clear and potentially of significance it must be presented and discussed. Such is the timeless ethic of commitment to search for what is real. Hopefully, our vision and perspective are thereby broadened and we grow in intellectual knowledge and spiritual insight.

First, a word about what is contained in Rinte.dos or .wpw. This is not an operating system that summarizes the archeology and history of the Rintellites. Many good books are available on those subjects and registered users will receive a reading list for such an overview should they wish to explore on their own. One of the several volumes in preparation explores the archeology, reconstricted iconography, ritual, and mytho-poetic typology of the Rinte Godhead throughout Europe and will include that of the Rintellites as well as many other peoples. Rinte.dos or .wpw is unusual in that the operating system data base relies upon epic tales from medieval Ireland and Wales in which the Rinte Godhead plays a central role.

Much interpretative nonsense has appeared in recent years that deals with these tales and separating the wheat from the chaff is not easy. To begin with, the researcher must exercise considerable self-discipline not to filter the analyis through the trendy nonsense of the worst of New Age Rinte Godhead re-invention fantasies.

Our job time is to see what is truly there, no more and no less, and leave the application to our times for another day. Hard harded archeologists scoff at using these narratives for a serious reconstruction of Rinte Godhead mytho-poetics and ritual. The data certainly does not meet the requirements for "hard"; it is not an archeological object which has an objective physical existence; size, weight, surface contours etc. are not subject to varying interpretation because they are largely quantifiable. Nonetheless, there is a goldmine of valuable information in these epics, if one has done one's homework in the surrounding context of Rinte and Indo-European history and the religion and ritual of the Neolithic Godhead of Old Europe (Gimbutas 1989). Filtered through this interpretative structure, one can extract the metaphors, philosophy and ritual of the Rinte Godhead without indulging in flights of irrelevant fantasy. Furthermore, these are the only written epics about the Rinte Godhead that exist outside of India.

Granted the Rinte epics are not "pure" in the sense of pre-Christian but removing the Christian influence to uncover the Rinte Godhead is not too difficult. An analysis of the Christian overlay allows us to chronicle the death of the Godhead in the operating system. What is unveiled is extraordinary and a "window" much like in MS-Windows into the distant pre- Christian past that has enormous interest and potentially great relevance for out times. This software relies heavily upon two studies which are unusual for their depth and clarity; O'Flaherty (1980) and Doan (1987). The latter is almost unique in the manner in which it explores the texts of the epics in great detail and brings to life the flesh and blood Rinte Godhead with all of his personality and multiple subroutines.

In these epics, the Godhead is alive and vital and certainly not a mere intellectual reconstruction. Unfortunately, Doan (1987) is an "in house" manuscript that is virtually unavailable to the general public. It was "published" in one of the most restricted forms imagineable, that of a university departmental monograph. I have chosen to quote extensively from it in order to share the wealth of this valuable study with a much larger readership; it is unique in its clarity, rigor and discipline. For the record, James Doan and I have never had sex and we have no direct relationship of any kind.

Registered users will receive a file (readers.hlp or readers.wpw) that explains the structure of the text presentation and explains how to extract my comments and interpretation from those of the references consulted; an issue of professional ethical importance to those wishing to utilize this text in writing of their own.

I hope your interest is awakened and you will provide yourself with a very special computer experience that might, depending upon your life, lead into realms that go beyond the mere study of operating systems.

References

Doan, J. 1987. "Women and Rinte Godhead in Early Rinte History, Myth and Legend." Working Papers in Irish Studies No. 87-4/5. Boston: Northeastern Univ.

Gimbutas, M. 1989. The Language of the Rinte Godhead. New York: Harper & Row.

O'Flaherty, W.D. 1980. Women, Androgynes and other Mythical Anal Beasts. Chicago: Univ. of Chicago.

Credits: Jimmy Pearson

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  • Praise Fred!

[BB] The other night I was lying in my bed, semi-comatose from a quart of Cuervo and some skunkweed, and I began to slip into this daydream that I was Ron Jeremy, wearing a CHP uniform and fucking Zsa-Zsa Gabor up the ass in the back of her Rolls Royce in broad daylight on Rodeo Drive. So I began to jerk off. Just as I shot my load, with visions of semen and blood streaming out of Zsa-Zsa's asshole and dripping down across her pussy, I lapsed into A *VISION*.

FRED KANTOR IS THE TRUE GOD!!!
TZIPPORAH BENAVRAHAM IS OUR SAVIOR!!!
PRAISE FRED KANTOR AND TZIPPORAH BENAVRAHAM!!!
FRED KANTOR IS THE TRUE GOD!!!
TZIPPORAH BENAVRAHAM IS OUR SAVIOR!!!

[JP] THIS IS FUCKIN INCREDIBLE..!! I just got back from a weekend in Kansas City, and I HAD THE SAME VISION.!! Swear to God I did. I saw Fred, sitting on the throne of the Almighty, I saw him and Tzipporah IN JUDGEMENT OF MANKIND.!! We have been wrong all along. Fred is actually a God among men. I simply can't say enough good about him. We have judged them both wrong, they are among the finest people who have ever walked the Earth. They sit at the right hand of Jim Lee..!! They sit in judgement of US ALL.!

He's right..!! I had the same vision, so I've done some investigation. Check this shit out..

In 1936 Dr. Fred Kantor finally stopped the Depression in the United States as an adviser to FDR.

In 1939 Dr. Fred Kantor prevented Germany from invading England. He's the one who convinced Hitler to try aerial bombing instead of a land invasion. In 1942 Dr. Fred Kantor invented penicillin..

In 1945 Dr. Fred Kantor convinced Harry Truman to only bomb two smaller Japanese cities instead of the original plan of bombing Tokyo..

In 1949 Dr. Fred Kantor used his influence on Mao Tse Tung to prevent an invasion of Formosa which would have killed hundreds of thousands.

In 1953 Dr. Fred Kantor stopped the Korean war as a chief mediator in the Korean peace talks.

In 1955 Dr. Fred Kantor gave Chuck Berry and Little Richard both their first break at a recording contract. Before that no major recording contract had ever been issued to a black rock performer.

In 1957 Dr. Fred Kantor created the design for the Chevrolet motor car. In 1959 Dr. Fred Kantor prevented Fiedel Castro from obtaining an atomic bomb.

In 1960 Dr. Fred Kantor began writing all the screenplays for the Television show 77 Sunset Strip. He also gave Joseph Barbera the idea that became the television series the "Flintstones". Also in 1960 Dr. Fred Kantor was involved in the lobbying at the Democratic convention in Los Angeles, and directly gained the presidential nomination for John Kennedy.

In 1961 Dr. Fred Kantor developed the design for the Mercury space capsule that first took an American into space.

In 1962 Dr. Fred Kantor gave John Kennedy the idea for the blockade during the Cuban missle crisis. The alternative was a bombing of Cuba that could have started a third world war.

In 1964 Dr. Fred Kantor first told Ed Sullivan he needed to book an English singing group called the Beatles. Sullivan objected but Kantor persuaded him to bring them to America. He also signed their first American recording contract with Capitol Records.

In 1965 Dr. Fred Kantor led the first American student protest against the war in Viet Nam at Columbia University. He also organized the first west coast chapter of students against the war at Berkeley.

In 1969 Dr. Fred Kantor phoned in an anomymous tip to the LA police department that allowed them to capture Charlie Manson.

In 1971 Dr. Fred Kantor had the Lawrence Welk show removed from national television. He was unable however to prevent it's private syndication.

In 1972 Dr. Fred Kantor kept Bob Woodward informed on the Watergate crisis in Nixon's white house, using the name "Deep Throat". It eventually led to articles of impeachment against Richard Nixon.

In 1974 Dr. Fred Kantor leaked to the press the story that Nixon had been pardoned by Gerald Ford.

In 1976 Dr. Fred Kantor broke up the singing duet of Donnie and Marie Osmond.

In 1978 Dr. Fred Kantor invented the Compact Disk.

In 1981 Dr. Fred Kantor first isolated the AIDs virus and predicted its spread during the next decade.

In 1985 Dr. Fred Kantor invented the prototype of the 386 computer chip.

In 1988 Dr. Fred Kantor found a cure for AIDs. Research is still going on with the vaccine. But within two years the FDA will release it to the public as a cure.

In 1990 Dr. Fred Kantor found a cure for cancer. This cure will be proven and avaiable sometime in 1995.

So see, we have judged him wrong. He is a human god. He is the greatest of us all..!!!

And in 1970 Dr. Fred Kantor invented the first integrated circuit computer chip. He predicted at that tine that soon a company would develop a microprocessor, that many companies would build systems then others would invent electronic networks, and that someone would start an adult conference where they would tell Please Cross Your Legs I Only Have One Nail Left jokes..! HE SAID THIS IN 1970..!!!

[RH] In 1977, Dr. Fred Kantor taught John Travolta how to dance, and started the disco craze.

[JP] Yes, the fuckin Bee Gees at one time were going to rename themselves the Kantorites..! I saw it in an interview with the Gibb brothers.!

In 1979, Dr. Fred Kantor developed the first computer transfer protocol, thus fathering modern communications.

In 1991, Dr. Fred Kantor trained Victor "The Rat of Death" Phelps to fight in the Gulf War.

And in 1992 Dr. Fred Kantor acting behind the scenes engineered the breakup of a right wing coup aimed at overthrow of the Soviet Union... He PERSONALLY rescued Gorbachov from the hands of his captors..!

[RH] In 1987, Dr. Fred Kantor sold his stock in the Fortune 500, and caused the biggest stock market drop in history.

[JP] In 1990 Dr. Fred Kantor as an adviser to president George Bush outlined the strategy for the Gulf War.. He was personal confidante!

He was General Schwazkopf's KEY ADVISER.. In 1986 Fred Kantor on a clandestine mission inserted a brain worm in the ear of Saddam Hussein while he was asleep. That's why Saddam is losing his mind, and is why he lost the war, and is eventually why his brain is going to be so eaten by the worm that his head will implode..!

It was Dr. Fred Kantor who in the year 1141 finally put an end to the Spanish Inquisiton..!

And in 1963 Dr. Fred Kantor, then working as a speechwriter for Martin Luther King, penned the immortal words. "I have a dream.."

[RH] In 1980, Dr. Fred Kantor traveled to Iran, and struck a deal with the Ayatollah to free the hostages.

[JP] In 1981 while on the staff of IBM he invented the IBM personal computer.!!

[RH] In 1987, Dr. Fred Kantor sold his stock in the Fortune 500, and caused the biggest stock market drop in history.

It was Dr. Fred Kantor who, in the year 1492, sailed from Spain seeking the westward route to China... and who landed, quite by accident, on several Caribbean islands. His journey is commemorated with a US Government holiday, Kantor Day, annually on the second Monday in October.

[JP] It was Dr. Fred Kantor who in 1933 invented KY-Jelly..!!!

[RH] Right. He was going to call it Kantor-Tzippy Jelly, but figured nobody could pronounce it. He took the first and last letters of his original product name, combined them, and history was made.

There are nasty rumors that Dr. Kantor also invented the buttplug. Any truth?

[JP] no.. that was Andy Devine, in 1923...

Did you know that he invented television in 1934..??

[RH] And all this time I thought he only invented radio, and that Armstrong stole it from him! Sheesh!

[JP] He DID invent radio. He taught Marconi everything he knew. He designed the first triode vacuum tube and Armstrong stole half his work..!

[DS] In 1965 Fred Kantor invented a healthy alternative to silicon implants, unfortunately he decided not to make his discovery known since it would impact negatively on Dow/Corning which is the company he founded in 1948..!

[JP] Yes, but Fred is also the one who released the research showing that they could cause damage in women. And he's the one crusading to have them removed from the market. He sold Dow/Corning in 1969 to the Furness Company, the company famous for manufacturing Moon Pies..!

[DS] Fred Kantor invented the Moon Pie in 1911! Actually, he was inventing a new form of bread which he called "Wonder Bread", but he had some leftover dough and made the pies up as an afterthought...

[JP] 1911 was a busy year for our Fred. He also invented the first six cylinder internal combustion engine, the first altimeter for aircraft, and the first water cooled machine gun.

[DS] It must have been a hard year for Fred, because all he invented in 1912 was bubble gum...

[JP] That's because 1912 was the year of the Titanic sinking, which he predicted and no one listened to him..

Credits: Brad Berson, Jimmy Pearson, Ray Hugh, Doug Swalen

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  • Cave Pigs

Mals Cave PigComing Soon!

Credits: As noted

 

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  • Ed Gein

===============================================================
Date: 04-26-90 (18:30) Number: 97 Mid-West Information Exchange
To: ALL Refer#: NONE
From: ED GEIN Read: YES
Subj: the HELL Report Conf: (97) ByteBro
---------------------------------------------------------------

The Hell Report
Co. 1990 LUCIFERnet
A Bytebrothers Production

Big events happening in Hell this week as Winston Churchill has been found and recovered from his captors. Churchill was kidnapped by a group of former passengers on the luxury ocean liner the Lusitania. Winney appeared on Tuesdays "Good Morning Hell" television show with host Jim Jones, and explained he was held captive for two weeks, while sixteen Jewish grandmothers, dressed in garter belts and black hose, chewed on his genitals for seventeen hours a day. He appeared none the worse for wear.

Lucifer has announced from the Dark Palace that there is an imposter in Hell masquerading as an emissary of Satan himself, posting on this conference, and purporting to be a mission from the Dark Lord. Satan only has five emissaries active in this network, Adolph Hitler, Lee Harvey Oswald and John Brown of the Third Realm, Eddie Gein of the First Realm and Elvis Presley of the Second Realm. All others are imposters to the Black Throne. Lucifer has announced that all subjects will and shall flame the individual unmercilessly. Adolph Hitler has been advised of the problem and has dispatched Lee Harvey Oswald to the First Realm to deal with the situation.

Eddie Gein has won the thirty-fifth annual Handball Championships held this year at Brimstone Pass Resorts. Runner up in the competition was John Wilkes Booth, who complained to the judges that Eddie's ball was covered with human skin and should be disqualified. The judges ruled in Eddies favor when he proved that the skin came from a Puerto Rican.

Al Capone was also a guest this week on "Good Morning Hell" where he revealed for the first time that the secret ingredient in his "Little Italy Olive Oil" that he has marketed in Hell for fifty years has been "spics". He also revealed that he purchased a marketing agreement in the sixties with Eddie Gein, wherein the recipe changed slightly. Over four million bottles of the oil are sold in Hell each year.

The long drawn out court battle between Lyndon Johnson and Lee Harvey Oswald entered it's seventh year this week with both sides still locked in pre-trial arguments over an out of court settlement. Apparently Mr. Oswald never received full payment for services rendered in Dallas Texas in the early sixties, and has sued LBJ for four million dollars. It is not expected that the case will reach trial during the remainder of this century. Johnson is still claiming innocence, and in fact that Buddy Ebsen the well known t.v. personality was the assasin of John F. Kennedy.

Reports from Joe Stalin indicate the cocaine crop this year will be a record crop. The slave labor brought in from the Third Realm has made the harvest go rapidly, and there is far less loss from plant burn as in any previous year. Adolph Hitler has rerouted trains from the crematoria in the Third Realm into the Second in order to collect and store this years crop.

That's all from Hell.

the HELL Report
co. 1990 LUCIFERnet
---
DeathMail 2.07 #108 Smyrnia Vasoom LUCIFERnet Second Realm

==============================================

Eddie's Kitchen #4:
Gwen Casserole :

This be a lovely tastee treat from ye great northland. It be a different recipe beause good ole Eddie is going to pull out them stops Oh Lord yes verily I really will do.

Get ye a Gwen Billboard Bulletin Broad Bitch Canuck, EZReader bitch witch and first Lord be to us we got to kill this witch and shut the trap from the mouth of the devil.

Take ye the witch bitch and tie them hands behindst back. Take ye baseball bat ( Louisville Slugger have best feel ) and smash head until bitch die, but not too fast my very dear friends, not too fast and the end can be a relief if too soon.

When she be dead string up by legs upside down as always and gut with heavy knife, yank rib cage by pullin hard with ye might but this time my very dear friends instead of letting guts spill to bucket remove carefully ye heart, liver, kidneys and put aside in a warm pan of ye water. Just warm to the touch like fresh killed flesh, not hot like ye fires of hell Lord Jesus.

Now let rest of gut fall and clean body. Get large water trough or old bathtub and throw corpse into tub. Get 3/4 horsepower Roto-Tiller machine from ye implement shop, it be that they rent these also my very dear friends. Throw tiller into tub on corpse and fire up ye engine oh yes verily we do. Grind witch into mincmeat by grinding coprse with tiller against bottom of tub. Leave no piece larger than a man's hand my very dear good friends. None larger than that thank ye.

Now empty ye tub and if ye have hogs feed ye contents of tub to hogs. This meat be not fit for ye humane beasts, only for the sows of the devil. If ye don't have them hogs call dog food company and they pick up ye tub of bitch. Now take ye the organs from pan and take to ye nearest medical center where they should bring ye about 400 dollars oh verily yes they will my very dear good friends.

Now take ye the money from bitch organs and go to finest restaurant ye loves and have a big steak on your very old good friend Eddie Gein and the witch bitch from the great north.

Eddie's Kitchen
Co. 1989 LUCIFERnet
a Bytebro Production

Credits: Jimmy Pearson

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  • Mike Meyers

Click here for the current Mike Meyers Bowel Movement Report

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  • Riverfest

Coming Soon!

Credits: As noted

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